#29. Ngaiire - Once (#73, 2015)
7th of 2015
For Ngaiire, this is all a matter of sheer persistence. She's been around the block and then some, with this one moment being just a single stop on the journey. That journey starts remarkably early, as she was diagnosed with a rare form of adrenal cancer when she was just 3 years old. I wouldn't necessarily bring it up but she ended up naming the album this song comes from after it. It's just one of the abnormal parts of her upbringing from which she channelled a love of music, not to get away with it, but as a way to express feelings about it.
There are a few ways you might have first come across her name and music. The most likely is that she was a contestant in season 2 of Australian Idol. That's the season whose results I can recite from memory, but I didn't start watching until the final 12 so I missed her, as she didn't quite get that far. She also did some work with Paul Mac as a guest vocalist though not among his more successful works, so again, I missed her. I'm pretty confident in that sense that the first time I heard her voice was when she did some backing vocals with the band Blue King Brown, who had a handful of songs on the radio right around when I started listening to triple j. I'm not sure which songs she sings on other than "Water", it's often hard to hear anyone over Natalie's captivating performances. She continued to release music of her own during this time but I can't claim any familiarity with it up to and including her debut album, 2013's "Lamentations". I'm listening to it now and it sounds really good. You get the feeling that after jumping around in different settings & genres for a while, she's finally settled into her ideal style, a mix of R&B and neo-soul that emphasizes her classically trained vocals.
R&B music is actually something that's really snuck up on me over the years. It's not something I ever really paid much attention to (translation: my taste in music was incredibly white). It didn't really feel like it was made for me and so I'd only occasionally vibe with it if it was working within the confines of other genres. You just get locked into that notion that R&B music is boring as a rule and don't get anyone to challenge that notion. This is obviously where The Weeknd comes into play, and I think part of why his early mixtapes made such an impression on me. Still, it was a very singular event, he laid the seeds, but it'd be a while before it really went anywhere. A few years later I'd hear albums by D'Angelo and The Internet, but again, pretty isolated and mostly not at the forefront of my taste. From that point on though, it's just a constant peppering that I don't really acknowledge until around the 2020s, when all of a sudden it's a core part of my taste. I keep track of my favourite songs of each year, and I've had an R&B/Soul song in my top 10 every year of the decade so far except for 2021, including twice where it was my favourite song period. Honestly, 2021 is just an unlucky year because there are a handful of songs I'd say have the same feeling as R&B/Soul in some respects, but the highest one that you can't really deny is actually one of Ngaiire's songs, "Him". That song has her at her melodramatic best. Just a huge emotive release.
I feel a little odd for feeling this way if only because I don't really know anyone else who does. It feels like an anomaly in my music taste, if not for my general pursuit of anything that stands out, as well as rewarding hooks and melodies. That's everyone I think, but I find myself focusing very strongly on it. It's the kind of thing that naturally happens when you spend a lot of time unable to listen to music, but instead thinking or humming along with it to produce the same effect. So any song where the primary focus is a voice that likely isn't just resting on slight variations of the same tune has a lot of potential to go far. That and I find it to be very comforting, a bit like dream pop but without feeling as distant and abstract. Admittedly it's hard to make a good case for a genre that's largely not relevant right now, and whose biggest star continues to be Chris Brown year after year. SZA probably deserves a mention here instead, but she largely has her best successes when she pivots away from her usual a bit.
Anyway, like many others, I was enamoured by "Once". It was Ngaiire's first time getting major airplay on triple j, and so it was the first time she stopped being a bit player and got put in the forefront. In that sense, it allowed her talents to shine and prompt me to wonder where she was hiding all this time. She was probably a victim of my general reluctance to the genre still, so I probably unfairly treated the song as a one-off for the time. One of those singles that are so good, you don't want to ruin the magic by hearing all the worse versions of it on the album. Funnily enough, I've always been listening to the album version of the song and not the single which cuts it down by about 45 seconds. I can't bring myself to remind myself what got taken out of the song to cut it down. It's one of those songs that I want to live in, and have it keep going.
"Once" isn't really a song that shows off in any way, it more likely just catches your ear for how different is to everything around it. It does, for all intents and purposes have a chorus and a hook which caps it all off, but I find myself drawn into the more subtle moments. Ngaiire uses a handful of tricks to create a sunken feeling. Backing vocals that echo and just some general echolalia. It's something I want to bring up with another song that will appear on this list, but I really do love the way she says the word 'repetitively'. Ngaiire has appeared in the Hottest 100 just this once, but it's a hell of a way to have your moment.





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