#190-#186

#190. Jamie xx (feat Young Thug & Popcaan) - I Know There's Gonna Be (Good Times) (#26, 2015)

27th of 2015

The feeling probably isn't as universal as I think it is because I don't have a good grasp on how most people actually use the app Discord. I don't necessarily interact with most of them, but just for clarity, I'm in roughly 50 different servers. This might be either a lot or not very many depending on who you ask. There's always this weird trepidation when you join a new one though. You don't really get a preview and you're met with various different realisations at once. Does the server have a hundred different channels and how many of them are lighting up instantaneously? Is there a channel that lets everyone know you just joined the server, or left it? Are you about to get a shock to the system seeing the kinds of things discussed on there and the manner in which it's done? It's all enough to thoroughly overwhelm you. This is all just a terrible segue to say that I most recently joined a server that had its members' permissions tiered off as either Rich Gang or Young Thugs. Just one of those charming bits of niche referential humour that makes you feel a little more comfortable.

I've learnt quite a lot inadvertently from Young Thug. He's an artist who will challenge your pre-conceptions if you're willing to take it up. In an era where you continually encounter new rappers who seem only intent to one-up each other on how much they seem to challenge sensible taste, whether through incomprehensible performance or just increasingly terrible stage names, Young Thug is the final boss. No one who calls themselves Young Thug could possibly merit any interest, and the moment you hear him start rapping, that'll probably only reinforce it.

He simply commands so much attention though. At some point you have to assume it's not just a joke, that there's a warranted pull. For me, I don't think I was ready for him in 2014. I was too deep in my pseudo backpack rap phase that I was turned off immediately, even if ironically, I probably was in the exact right audience for him. I was just missing the click moments. When I saw him turn up on this particular album, it felt like a joke at first. I had that adverse reaction you get when you're locked into your specific world but are then forced into one you were straying because your favourite artists have different taste to you. On some level, this collaboration became arguably Jamie xx's biggest hit. It's in close contention with another song from this album I'll discuss at a later point, but as far as the charts and the Hottest 100 were concerned in 2015, this came out on top.

It's hard to really describe the Young Thug experience. On the surface he is just another generic rapper but in reality, he's just such a bizarre character. I recently saw an interview where director Matt Johnson described his creative process of very carefully crafting something that seems amateurish. It gives you the ability to use it as a baseline and then immediately break it, creating an unexpected whiplash for the audience who are even more caught off guard than they might have been. That feeling of 'oh, I'm smarter than the person who made this...wait what did they just do?'. I feel like that's what Young Thug does. It takes a lot of effort to appear fascinatingly carefree. I think about his music video for "Wyclef Jean". It's a video that paints Young Thug an unreliable nuisance to work with, but the end result is one of the funniest things I've ever seen, and it feels like it had to be staged to create this. That exact kind of weird music video that captures his brand perfectly seemingly through doing nothing. One of the most ridiculous figures in music who also has a global #1 hit to their name.

Sorry yeah, I know Jamie xx is here too. This is the only time Young Thug shows up and Jamie xx has another entry that feels closer and more personal. If anyone's reading all of this in sequence and does want some clarification, I'll put in the obligatory note that Jamie xx is a member of The xx, and this is from his first solo album "In Colour". For the most part, the album is what you expect, moody electronica with wild but enthralling sonic shifts. "I Know There's Gonna Be (Good Times)" is a strange, isolated moment in the middle of the album that has no precedent. Suddenly Jamie xx goes dancehall and gets a guest rapper who takes up all of the attention. There's also a very prominent sample of "Good Times" by The Persuasions, while Popcaan chimes in and occasionally sings along with it. Just a great example of the weird hit single on an otherwise completely different album.

I was not immune to the charms. Jamie xx wields his samples and crafts a pretty addictive beat, while Young Thug is just on full display doing what he does best: jumping all over the place and causing the most unexpected tangents. He says it himself, it's a pop quiz, and he's got me because I didn't actually know who Walter Payton was. Otherwise he's got the all-time great delivery on how he's gonna 'ride in that pussy like a stroller', which causes the great (imagine some fancy text appearing on screen) juxtaposition on the song's Genius page which goes from a joke image of Thugger as a baby in a stroller, and 3 lines later is discussing Aristotle, Wittgenstein & Nietzsche. At some point in time you just have to make the transition from 'Get this mess out of my dignified electronic album' into 'The world is better, knowing that this song is part of it'.

#189. Angus & Julia Stone - Heart Beats Slow (#62, 2014)

22nd of 2014

There's a baseline level of attention that any major success is going to grant you in the immediate follow up. I don't think there's even necessarily a rule on timing because the longer it takes, the more anticipation you build. We're 4 years removed from Angus & Julia Stone's biggest success through their "Down The Way" album, so they're going to stick the landing on the follow up no matter what. This turned out to be true, they got another #1 album, another top 50 single, and another Hottest 100 entry. Nothing about it feels like it's part of the current conversation though, so they're just coasting on that momentum. Compare it to "Chateau" (#743), a song that had to work its way back into the conversation again without the head start this one had.

Just yesterday I was having a conversation about self-titled albums that aren't actually an artist's debut. I lean on being more lenient than most on this, I think it can be done right. On the other hand, it can be a big gambit if it doesn't go over well. The conclusion drawn is that in hindsight, MGMT should've packed it in when their self-titled 3rd album didn't go over super well. They eventually bounced back but it still feels like a massive career killer in hindsight.

I can't decide where "Angus & Julia Stone" fits in this though. On the surface, it's lacking in a really big hit, but its streaming numbers are surprisingly good. You look at the number of people who must've listened to the whole thing from top to bottom, and it has a return that's on par with the two surrounding albums. Just to show how much worse it can be, their most recent album has a Spotify total that can't quite match "Heart Beats Slow" on its own. That's a pattern that can be repeated. "Angus & Julia Stone" has less streams than "Chateau", and "Snow" has less streams than "Big Jet Plane". But "Heart Beats Slow" isn't even the biggest song on this album ("Grizzly Bear" appears to be the breakout in hindsight), so it's a long way down for that one.

I suppose if there is a purpose for this being a self-titled album, it comes with context. Both Angus & Julia Stone released solo albums in 2012. The self-titled album was them reuniting and matching each other's strengths and weaknesses again. It's an album that sounds decidedly more upbeat than the solo work, or perhaps any of their albums in general. I think of "Angus & Julia Stone" as the album where they get a bit more interested in making rock music. Not in a radically different way, just an Angus & Julia Stone way.

It works for me. My favourite songs from them are often the ones where there is a bit more going on to add some flavour to it. Songs like "Private Lawns" and "The Beast" from way back. This all comes in spades on this album. I'm quite fond of the back to back with "Death Defying Acts" and "Little Whiskey", which feels like Julia & Angus taking turns to include some of the most unusual ideas I've ever heard from them on record. Just a very easy album to get through from start to finish.

It also helps that "Heart Beats Slow" is a solid contender for my favourite song they've ever done. It's completing the mission statement of the album by allowing them to harmonise throughout it, and it's generally a song that never lets up. The guitar tone is so rich though, that's what gets through to me.

#188. The Amity Affliction - Born To Die (#40, 2013)

34th of 2013

I'm very open to the idea of The Amity Affliction doing more cover versions. I saw a movie recently with "HOLIDAY" by Turnstile in it. Just absolute hype in the form of a needle drop. It didn't occur to me until later that I had no reason to really know the song, except that I recognised it via The Amity Affliction doing a Like A Version of it recently. Kinda song that just makes you wanna book it to Ottawa.

I'm going to be perfectly honest and say that I did not need The Amity Affliction to introduce me to "Born To Die". That particular Lana Del Rey song and album was a kinda big deal. Not just in the moment, but still to this day, as it remains a permanent fixture of the Billboard 200 to this day. Not just for everyone else though, it was a big deal for me. I think of songs that had a profound impact on me in my formative years, and it's hard to go past "Video Games". It was one of those songs that just stopped me in my place hearing it for the first time. I didn't necessarily know if that was going to go anywhere (these things often don't), but evidently it wasn't just me who was mesmerized, witnessing the birth of a new star. I've heard it many more times since then so I can't fully put myself in that zone, but I know by all recorded thoughts I've had that it was very special to me. It's on such a level that I can never truly discard Lana Del Rey even if I've never seen her reach those heights again.

I'm in a bit of a weird place with "Born To Die", the song. I lapped it up at the time in the way this sort of momentum is bound to send you, but I found a hard time reaching that level of adoration for it. Once the album came out, I found myself liking it less and less. I don't know how much of it I can level on the song itself, but I just found myself wising up to producer Emile Haynie's tricks. He has a credit on every song of the album (except "Video Games") and listening to a whole 45 minutes of songs with those echoed background sounds...it just gets exhausting. I'm pretty fond of the album in general, I think the tunes are strong enough to get around that, but "Born To Die" is the song that I think fares the worst from it. I just don't really connect to it on any level.

This is where I enter full sickos territory because funnily enough, this cover has never worn down on me. Maybe on some level it helps me appreciate the original song a bit more because it shows there's a way to enjoy it on the whole, just not being bogged down by dated production choices. Alternatively, this is just one of the funniest cover versions I've ever heard. I put it in the same barrel as Scarling. covering that one song about being a weirdo who doesn't belong here, there's this sheer juxtaposition between what you're used to and what you get. You feel like the people making it have to realise the borderline heresy they're committing, but because they commit so hard, it turns into magic. This cover starts with the exact same string intro as the original version but adds demonstrably loud guitars half a second later. It's the same as not knowing if you're hearing Gotye or Doechii, except playing out in record time. I'll say just now listening to both versions back to back, it was the original version that threw me off this time, I'm expecting The Amity Affliction now I guess (even though I've listened to Lana Del Rey's version far more).

Most of the excitement is wrapped up in that intro and the first verse. After that, you've put yourself in the zone for long enough that it can't surprise you. I think the melody plays surprisingly well for Ahren, or maybe there's just less in the way of overdubbing his voice, so he sounds pretty alright here. Hearing him and Joel trading lines is such a joy though, I'm so glad this happened.

#187. Cardi B (feat Megan Thee Stallion) - WAP (#6, 2020)

11th of 2020

How do you even start this one? Maybe by saying 'There's some whores in this house'. Did you ever hear the word 'some' in this before that? I feel so completely blindsided that it's been there the whole time. It's like discovering that gorilla during the basketball video. But then I'm even worse here because I also was certain he was saying 'hos', you know, the kinds of immoral pleasure seekers they don't ask about on Jeopardy!.

I've hinted at this one a few times. It's probably the most notable example of a song that courts the controversy of being exactly what it is. I hinted at it when I spoke about "MONTERO (Call Me By Your Name)" (#242). I feel like this is the template that Lil Nas X was replicating when he took that song to the top. His example is a little different though, because I think on the surface, you can listen to his song and not be too taken out by it. When "WAP" comes on, you're going to notice it. "WAP" is the song that begs for you to pay attention, and no matter how much you think you're above it, it's gonna get you. There's just no precedent. There have been dirty hit songs in the past, but they're always playing within the rules of the radio to an extent, stopping themselves from going too far. I don't hear a single moment of "WAP" that makes me think they reeled it back in. It's the pure, logical conclusion. The most utterly filthy song that went so far down that it reached the little dangly thing in the back of the throat, and also became a #1 hit around the world. Normally there are enough gatekeepers to keep something safer at the top, but "WAP" just broke all the rules and was rewarded for it.

For both Cardi B & Megan Thee Stallion, this is taking all the potential notoriety they'd gained in the years leading up and fully cashing in on the opportunity. It might be a bit weird to say this for Cardi B given that she'd already had multiple US #1 singles at this point, but in Australia she was having trouble converting. Both "Bodak Yellow" and "I Like It" were moderate hits at best. Megan Thee Stallion was even further off here. Maybe you can blame the hemispheres but there was no "Hot Girl Summer" to be seen here, and she was having a little trouble converting to the big time. Beyoncé helped turn "Savage" into a hit, but it was "WAP" that let her show her best form.

When it comes to highly controversial songs, you do find yourself wondering how much of the success comes as a result of the backlash, and the subsequent attention that it gets. These are often songs that appear anomalous to a chart watcher, breaking well out of the standard form of a hit. In the case of "WAP", I'm in two minds. Firstly, it needs to be highlighted that it very much did rush out the gate from the very beginning. That's the kind of response that says the song was a hit on its merits of standing out, possibly being spread by word of mouth but not necessarily in a negative way. These responses take time though. The same way it takes about 3 days for news of the GRAMMY Awards to reach their peak audience translation on the charts, and then you have to add in how long it takes for people to make those videos and posts that circulate. By the time Ben Shapiro made a video about "WAP", it was almost 2 weeks old. I feel as though it's videos like that which absolutely sent the song skyward. If one of the biggest dorks on the internet expresses disapproval of something, it's only going to take it higher, it's the economy of attention. Whether you're doing it to own him or just because he reminded you it exists, it doesn't matter. I just want to point out that about a week after "WAP" first got to #1 on Australian Spotify, it remained at #1 and had almost doubled its daily streams. That's gone from being a curious #1 hit to a monolithic one, and stayed there for 6 weeks.

Part of what made the song so controversial is what always seems to happen in the world. Anything men can do, women can also do, but receive so much more scrutiny for it in the process. Some of it is ingrained sexism, and it might not even be something people are aware of. It's just that same reinforced stereotype of what men think women should be allowed to do, going back to before women were allowed to hold many jobs or y'know, vote in elections. The gatekeepers from back then may have died of old age by now, but remnants of their cause still linger on. This is not to say that a song like "WAP" wouldn't be provocative if it were by men, but when you see the things being said here, it's just not the kind of response you get when men are openly waving their private parts about on the record. We're just less used to hearing it from women and that's the biggest shock value. Forget feeding sugary treats to Victorian children, let Pope Pius XI hear this song and watch him have a heart attack just from Cardi B saying she doesn't cook or clean.

I recognise "WAP" for the absurd novelty that it is. It's absolutely aware of what it's doing and revelling in the opportunity. There are just far too many insane lines and sound effects (*car beep*) to take it fully seriously. If that's all it was though, I don't know if it'd go very far. We get tired of the novelty pretty quickly. If there's a true secret weapon in all of this, it's that it allows Megan Thee Stallion to take centre stage and show the world that when she's not toning herself down for a pop hit, she's genuinely one of the most electrifying rappers going around. Every time Cardi B passes the microphone to her, it's like watching a WWE team finally make that long awaited tag in. She sees the ridiculous things she has to say and doesn't hesitate at running through in double time. Once again, it's the enviable power of absolutely owning the moment with no hesitation that sells it. In a year that was understandably a bit unwilling to produce many thrills, this was the welcome burst of excitement that was sorely needed.

#186. Sia - Alive (#56, 2015)

26th of 2015

It was nearly a year ago I wrote about Sia before for her song "Chandelier" (#698). That entry got so long, deep in the weeds of that particular moment in Sia's career and what the song inadvertently ended up representing, so I didn't get much of a chance to talk about one of the more interesting music careers. A career that we've mostly not witnessed to the fullest because Sia's been around for longer than most people could possibly be aware. This is my attempt to elaborate on that, as someone who jumped on somewhere in the middle, but had a deep connection to that story, which has ballooned in very unexpected ways. Strap in, let's talk about it.

Sia has been making music since the mid '90s. It starts with her work in Adelaide with the acid jazz band Crisp. It's not too much of a stretch to see the step by step process. She's already laying down her distinctive vocal runs, but it's also not anything you're expecting to smash out the gates, even in an era that might be more receptive to this sound. If you've heard her later song "Where I Belong", you can see the throughline.

Her debut album came out in 1997 and positions her as a solo artist, though it doesn't make major waves. The first clear sign of success attached to her is when she teamed up with producer Friendly to sing "Some Kind of Love Song". Sia deliberately chose not to be credited on the song as she was shy about people hearing her speak on the record on such personal matters, but it became harder to avoid when the song became something of a hit (it landed at #75 in the 1999 Hottest 100, ahead of "Blue Monday", "Down Under" and a band called Turnstyle).

At this point in time, Sia has already moved to London. It's with a bit of tragedy initially, as she intended to meet her boyfriend there only for him to be killed in a car accident a week before she departed. She still ended up making the trip but ended up in a very different place. She starts to work with Zero 7, putting down vocals on some very memorable songs that I rate very highly. Her second album also comes out and she surprisingly scores a UK top 10 hit with "Taken For Granted". It's a little bit of a gimmick song that samples Prokofiev, but it solidifies Sia as a potentially bankable artist with some more label priority going forward in her niche of down-tempo, trip-hop adjacent music.

There's an odd nod to her roots on Sia's next album "Colour The Small One". The majority of the tracks were written with an old friend from Adelaide, Sam Dixon. He'd actually go on to win a GRAMMY Award a decade later for producing Adele's album. To date, Sia has 9 nominations but has never won one herself. The album is well received but doesn't make major waves. At this point in time, Sia has started to write some different songs. Specifically she mentions "Stop Trying", "Bring Night", "The Co-Dependent" and "Cloud". If any of those titles sound familiar, it's because she did finally release them in 2010 on her 5th album "We Are Born". That's the album where she pivots hard into something that could be described as indie pop-rock, with strong emphasis on the pop. Back in 2005, Sia's label hated the idea of it and considered it career suicide. Sia stuck to her guns and got dropped by her label as a result. This could have been the end of Sia's story here. A week later, fate throws an unusual bone.

All the way over in California, young photographer Claire Fisher is in a rut. She's sitting on an enormous trust fund from her deceased father that she's unable to access due to legal specifics. When she should be seeing the world, she's forced to take up a demoralising 9 to 5 office temp job. While there, she meets a man named Ted, who seems like a prospective boyfriend, but causes a bit of a stir with his unwavering support of the Iraq War. It might be a deal-breaker, but Claire's brother has a stroke while they're out together and he decides to stay with her at the hospital during an extremely difficult time for her. It shows her that despite their strong political disagreements, he's not irredeemable, so she sticks with him. Following on from all this, Claire decides to move to New York, leaving her friends and family behind. Not long before this, Ted is listening to a Lifehouse song, and Claire criticises his basic 'just likes what he hears on the radio' music taste. Ted makes her a CD mix with the name 'Ted's Deeply Unhip Mix'. Claire says goodbye to her family, drives off, puts the CD in her car and hits play. The song that starts playing is "Breathe Me" by Sia.

This is just me describing various events that happen in the final season and final episode of Six Feet Under. It's now widely regarded as one of the best television episodes of all time, and I'd say the majority of that reputation comes down to the last 5 or so minutes, soundtracked by an extended version of "Breathe Me". The sequence shows future major events from all the main characters lives in chronological order. In keeping with the show's priorities, that means it shows every single major character's death, complete with the signature, finalising death cards. I've known about this for a very long time. Not only is it extremely famous, but I just happened to see it on TV on its own many years ago, where it had no real impact on me because I didn't know who these people were and it's a little (knowingly) goofy. I watched through the whole show  for the first time in 2025, completely aware of how it was going to end. It absolutely ruined me. I can count on one hand all the times that a piece of media has genuinely brought me to tears. The other ones are too embarrassing for me to mention, but Six Feet Under absolutely did it. I've always enjoyed "Breathe Me" but never felt any particularly strong connection to it until then. It makes complete sense to me how much attention Sia got given after this happened. I also want to note that Sarah Blasko's "Always Worth It" also plays in that same episode, shortly before Sia, which if nothing else, suggests that maybe someone picking out music for the show was listening to triple j at the time. The choice of Sia though feels more inspired to me having watched the whole show, where some of Sia's Zero 7 songs had appeared earlier. Given that "Breathe Me" didn't exist at that point, it feels like a worthy shout for seeing a career moving on up along with the show itself.

This revived Sia's career, but it did pigeonhole her again, so she did need to make another downtempo album, which is where we get to "Some People Have Real Problems". This is where I started to witness Sia's career, and also where that initial summary might be a little confusing. To me, Sia was a mysterious singer who had a guest spot on Lior's song "I'll Forget You", and I'd occasionally hear on the radio through her songs "Buttons" and "The Girl You Lost to Cocaine". These are very upbeat songs. So much so that I remember downloading "Buttons" but being a bit too embarrassed to actually listen to it. The latter though, was a song that absolutely wormed into my heart. I found it a little incomprehensible, but something about the slightly edgy title got through to me and suggested that Sia was an intriguing figure.

In early 2008 I started mentally keeping track of my favourite songs in the moment. It was my way of re-assuring myself that there was still good music out there. I didn't ever write it down, but I thought about it so much that I was still able to remember it and accurately document it a year later when I did decide to write it down. There was an odd pattern however, one that didn't register to me at all until I broke it, which is that for a whole year of doing it, I'd only ever reserved the top spot to music by men. There was one band with a female guitarist but in a visible sense, it was all men singing all the time. The streak finally broke in early 2009 after I heard and was enraptured by Sia's current single "Soon We'll Be Found". More than anything I think I was just gripped by the memorable music video where she performs the song in American Sign Language with some very stylish visual direction. It was a song that made Sia's music click for me in a significant way, but also opened the door for me getting more comfortable with listening to music made by women. Sia pretty much opened the floodgates for the present day where roughly 80-90% of the music I listen to is made by women. As a bonus, triple j started playing a remix of "Buttons" by CSS that I found myself enjoying a lot and it helped break down the barrier for her quirkier side. Good timing for that because Sia's next album campaign was right around the corner.

"We Are Born" was a yearlong party for me. Given the music I'd heard from her leading up to it, the sonic shift wasn't too hard to swallow for me at the time, and I just found myself vibing with hit after hit on that album. Much of it was written with Greg Kurstin, fresh from his huge success on Lily Allen's second album and also some songs I didn't realise I'd loved so much from The Bird and the Bee. It all completely solidified Sia as a very important artist to me. There's a funny irony in all of this which is something that I'd usually not respond well to. The extra level of success meant that Sia started getting a lot of attention and to me it felt like she was being treated not as an unappreciated gem, but one of those nuisances the top 40 charts serve up. I wasn't going to refute anyone's opinions on this but it had the opposite effect on me and made me recognise the barriers between these two worlds weren't quite as clear as I felt they were. As well as just how different everyone's responses are to things when they don't have the same background. It's my coping mechanism to say 'of course you don't like this as much as I do, if I came into it this way, I wouldn't either'.

I did already cover the next part of the story in my previous entry. Sia got sick of touring and promoting, and wanted to go behind the scenes. She started working with some pretty significant names, and in the space of about 12 months, racked up an Australian #1 single, a UK #1 single and a US #1 single, with three different songs. Thanks to her contract, another album was forthcoming from Sia, and with a lot of thanks to "Chandelier", "1000 Forms of Fear" became a huge success. I don't quite like it as much as her previous untouchable trio of albums. It starts to sound like Sia, the international songwriter superstar, taking over from the previously more intimate and fun stuff. Some good songs on it still I'll concede, but not really what I was after. I think "Dressed In Black" and "Eye of the Needle" are very good songs though.

This is also the biggest shift in Sia's career in general through her persona. Previously, she was a very recognisable figure but she practically disappeared, performing beneath a wig, not towards people. She stopped appearing on her artwork and music videos, often replaced by the iconography of the wig, or via young dancer Maddie Ziegler. In hindsight there are red flags, but Sia's success is dominating the narrative. She releases another album 18 months later, "This Is Acting", an album of songs she couldn't manage to shop around for anyone else. Ironically, you've got a stacked list of songwriting collaborators including Greg Kurstin, Adele, Kanye West, Jack Antonoff and Sisqó (okay that last one is a sample). I don't think the album was as successful on the surface as the last one, but it has a pretty strong rap sheet, including Sia's first ever Billboard #1 single as an artist, "Cheap Thrills", and that one motivational song that has quietly become one of her biggest hits ever. I'm quite fond of "Bird Set Free" and "Sweet Design", as well as the album's slightly forgotten lead single "Alive".

I've heard everything that could be said about "Alive" probably. It's total inspirational bait but with the added bonus of Sia's voice breaking in ways that isn't as charming as intended. If you're not head over heels for Sia, I can imagine this being the most insufferable song possible. It's just always connected for me though. Songs like this don't work because they get everyone invested in them, but they just need enough people to see something in it. This time, I'm one of them. I think of an artist who's been through so much, an undeniable talent lost in the weeds of marketing and finding the right scene, who's so clearly done with all that nonsense. She's finally reached a point where she can be the queen of her castle on her own terms. That's where the song's title mantra just starts to hit so hard for me. Sadly, it might just be the last hurrah.

Sia's music career didn't completely tank after this album but it has come a long way down. She's accidentally managed a perennial Christmas hit through her song "Snowman" which rides quite high as far as modern Christmas songs in the chart (and oddly appears to be the most popular Christmas song when Christmas music is out of the picture), but it just precedes the biggest failing in her career to date. That's right, I have to talk about the film "Music". Except wait, I haven't seen it yet. Let me stop writing this for a moment and watch it first.

Here's the background information you need to know. "Music" is a film released in 2021 co-written and directed by Sia. It's about a woman who becomes the guardian to her half-sister, who is non-verbal and autistic. That autistic girl (who is named Music) is played by Maddie Ziegler who is neurotypical in real life. A large chunk of the movie's criticism comes down to this. You'll spend a large chunk of the movie watching someone pretend to be autistic in ways that can come across as mockery. The film was a massive box office flop and widely panned.

I have complicated feelings about the whole thing. I'm coming into this as someone who is autistic myself, though admittedly not really in the way it's portrayed here. It's always been incredibly difficult for me to relate to the experience given that there's so little representation out there and it always misses the mark for managing to relay my experiences. I had a similar experience watching "Rain Man". It's a movie I ultimately think I enjoyed, but I found myself distracted by the way that people on the spectrum tend to be treated as a burden, unless there be a use case to be found from their way of thinking. So Charles hates being around Raymond until he realises he has a gift for counting cards and there's money to be made. A lot of my positive feelings around that movie come externally though, it led to some very good conversations, hearing some new perspectives and generally understanding myself better. I also want to add that since writing this entry, I encountered what might be the best, most relatable portrayal of the spectrum in a piece of media I've seen, which I'll bring up again on a later entry.

I won't be able to make the same claim for "Music" which lives up to its reputation as a tough watch. Much of the early part of the film is just watching someone cruelly have their life be put into disarray but with the perspective of sympathy being drawn towards those around her. The only time it feels like you get a 'perspective' from Music is through the film's frequent dream sequences, choreographed dance sequences to songs Sia wrote for the film (and occasionally sings). This all feels like a complete bizarro world recounting of something culturally irrelevant, but one of those songs, "Together", was a minor hit and was for a while, the most played song on Australian radio. The sequences are occasionally visually stimulating I'll admit but it does nothing but paint Music as a cloud cuckoo lander.

There are two scenes in the movie that involve Music having an uncomfortable episode and the film's voice of reason character indicating that the correct course of action is to restrain her on the ground until she stops. This particular part of the movie has been criticised heavily as a potentially very dangerous thing to do that the film treats as if it's CPR for autistic people. It's not something I was really aware of before hearing about it in the movie but it's certainly an uncomfortable watch. There's a happy ending to it all that I'm not sure is earned, but to see the main characters come together with warmth in their hearts and have it not be by means of convenience, that's at least a plus for me.

Though it wouldn't be fair to include this movie in the grouping, it is worth shining a light on a frustrating part about all media discourse. It's the way that a delicate touch is required to handle difficult topics like these, lest they cause the kind of backlash that this movie received. I speak more when it comes to people who are correctly representing their own kind here. There's an intense pressure to successfully tell an all-encompassing story even if it's just an individual one, and it becomes a lightning rod for criticism. Maybe some people are combing through trying to find something to pick apart, and maybe some other people are waiting in the wings to join the pile-on for anything that represents diversity. You just undoubtedly draw a louder reaction when you're part of it, and it's something that many potential creatives can't help but be made aware of. Think of how many stories we've lost because the person who might write them is justifiably afraid of the way it'll be responded to. They might not even have to make a mistake, just have some isolated quote get taken out of context and spread like wildfire. I have trouble talking about my own perspectives because they're so often just completely out of touch with everyone else's that I worry I'm going way out of line by not just saying Sia's film is dogshit without nuance. I see Sia as someone with good intentions who tackled a project whose scope is way out of her reach, and got bombarded with so much criticism that it became impossible to rein it in, in a constructive way.

On one hand, it's been very frustrating to witness an artist who I'd admired for many years do an accidental nuclear strike of nastiness towards my kind of people, the kind that maybe can be learned from, but more likely has just set discourse back several years, and will discourage anyone else from approaching it for some time. I was also very frustrated at much of her response to it. With regards to the restraint scenes, she apologised and said they'd either be edited out of future screenings, or there'd be a warning at the start of the film. As someone who legally rented the film today, I can tell you that neither change is in place. She acted in complete ignorance with regard to the autism community and tweeted dismissively about the concerns at the time. She no longer operates her own Twitter account and is even more in private than ever before. Not that Twitter is the greatest place to be nowadays, but it is another example of someone being shoved out of the lane of expressing themselves because of this reaction.

Did you know Sia announced her own autism diagnosis in 2023? I'm just learning of it today but I don't think I've ever seen it brought up ever. This has all also derailed her music career significantly. Maybe her time in the spotlight was always going to be fleeting, as someone who properly hit the big time close to the age of 40. Sia put out her latest album in 2024 and it performed very poorly; she's now selling less than she used to manage before she was properly famous. It's just not something that anyone wants to get invested in anymore (I'd be lying if I said I was overly impressed by any of the new music I've heard from her). I do see a lot of myself in Sia though. I can't help but admire anyone who (in any capacity) is able to overcome the difficulties of navigating the world on the spectrum. Finding a way to fit a world that isn't shaped for you, and still manage to be yourself. That's the Sia I want to remember. That's the person I want to be. Let's not fight, I know we're lost, but soon we'll be found.